But let’s be real, something has changed. I’m surrounded by new faces every day at university, yet my heart keeps drifting back to my high school friends. There’s this strange gravitational pull to the memories we made, those inside jokes, late-night talks, the comfort of people who just got me without trying.
When I first moved to Toronto, I had this dreamy vision: house parties, soul sisters, a cozy little circle of ride-or-dies. But here I am, 642 days later, yes, SIX HUNDRED AND FORTY-TWO and that dream feels more like a distant echo than a reality. Sometimes I wonder if the universe is playing a cosmic joke on me.
It’s not that I’m antisocial. I do have people to hang out with. But it’s rare to find someone who sees my soul and still wants to stay. I crave more than group chats and story replies, I want shared excitement, unexpected phone calls, someone who knows the way I overthink everything. Friendship, to me, should feel like home. Not a notification.
And honestly, the scariest question? “Who would you call if something really went wrong?” I hate that I don’t have a clear answer. It’s like a mini quarter-life crisis. Maybe it’s me. I love my alone time, I avoid awkward meetups, and I have this weird habit of talking a lot but disappearing when it’s time to text back. I’m like a human Red Bull in a world of decaf lattes. No wonder it doesn’t click.
I even dipped my toes into Bumble BFF, because, why not? There was this girl, and our messages were emoji-filled dreams. But in person? It was like watching a rom-com where the main characters have zero chemistry. Our vibe flatlined, ghosted by reality.
Being 20 is a weird in-between. You’re old enough to know who you are but still learning how to find your people. Friendships come, go, and sometimes never quite land. It’s exhausting and confusing and beautiful all at once.
But let me remind you (and myself): we’re not the only ones feeling this. No one’s out here with a perfect group chat and zero loneliness. Most people are just really good at hiding it. So here’s what I’ve learned, go where your heart lights up. Whether that’s a book club, a dance class, a volunteering gig, put yourself in rooms where your energy belongs. Don’t shrink yourself to fit in.
And please, don’t be afraid to start again. I know it’s scary to walk up to someone and say, “Hi, I’m Aashi.” But that’s where it starts. Every deep connection once began with a random, maybe-awkward hello. So say it. Be curious. Share something. You might find your person or not. But either way, you’ll find a piece of yourself.
Making friends as an adult is hard. School handed us friendships on a silver platter. Now we have to carve them out of chaos. It takes effort. And it takes heart.
So don’t be hard on yourself. Celebrate every time you try. Every time you say yes to coffee or show up when it’s easier to stay in. That’s progress.
We’re all stumbling through this together. You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re just human and honestly, that’s more than enough.
We’ve got this.
With love,
Aashi
YESS! Finally someone said this